Seasoned Prose Quick Tip #1

Do the Work First

Consider these two hypothetical marketing blurbs:

The new Intergalactic Harvester BT5000 dump truck boasts 20 percent more horsepower than its predecessor, while achieving five percent better fuel mileage.

or

Now you can carry more payload on every trip while actually lowering your per-trip fuel costs, thanks to the new Intergalactic Harvester BT5000 dump truck.

Which one is more likely to get the attention of your audience?

To be sure, sales prospects can infer the benefits in the second example by thoughtfully considering the first example, but why make them do that work?

Isn't that our job as marketing professionals?